Celebrating 32 Years: Reflections on a Journey Through Marriage

Today marks my 32nd wedding anniversary, a milestone rich with significance. In numerology, the number 32 symbolizes progress and enlightenment, reflecting the growth and understanding that have defined our journey together. Mathematically, 32 is the fifth power of two, representing strength and stability built upon foundational principles. This milestone is not just a marker of time but a testament to the enduring power of love and commitment.

Working with couples as a psychotherapist has given me a unique perspective on marriage, especially when I see couples who, after five, ten, or fifteen years, feel like giving up. When I sit with these couples, I often draw from my experience to offer them hope and insight.

Embracing Cultural Expectations and Personal Growth

I come from a culture where traditional expectations for women are quite rigid. A wife is often seen as submissive, confined to roles like being in the kitchen and bearing children. My wedding vows even included a promise to be submissive to my husband. Fortunately, I married a man who did not impose these traditional roles on me, which made our journey somewhat easier. However, it was far from a fairy tale. We experienced our share of challenges, including the notorious "seven-year itch" and moments when we contemplated parting ways.

The Essence of Perseverance

Reaching this 32-year milestone required perseverance. This morning, as I woke up alone because my husband was on his FIFO (fly-in, fly-out) work schedule, I felt the same excitement I had on our wedding day. Watching the rain fall on Perth reminded me of our wedding day in a small town in South Africa, where I was the happiest winter bride despite the rain.

It's easy to forget the joy and love we felt on our wedding day when faced with the hardships of marriage. We don't get married to get divorced, but life's challenges can cloud our initial feelings of love and commitment. Resentment, rejection, and rationalizations can overshadow the dreams and goals we once had.

Five Key Goals for a Strong Marriage

Over the years, my husband and I have identified five key goals that have helped us maintain a strong marriage. Here, I’ll expand on these goals with some external insights and resources:

1. Communication

   • Effective communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. It involves active listening, honest expression of feelings and needs, and constructive conflict resolution. Research from the Gottman Institute highlights the importance of turning toward each other in everyday interactions and building a culture of appreciation and respect.

   • Resource: The Gottman Institute - 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work

2. Maintaining Humor

   • Humour can lighten the mood and help couples navigate challenging times. Laughing together fosters a sense of connection and shared joy. Studies show that couples who laugh together are more satisfied with their relationships.

   • Resource: Psychology Today - The Importance of Humor in Relationships

3. Intimacy Beyond Sex

   • Intimacy involves emotional closeness and mutual understanding. It’s about sharing experiences, thoughts, and feelings. True intimacy requires vulnerability and trust, which deepens the connection between partners.

   • Resource: Harvard Health - The Importance of Emotional Intimacy

4. Respecting Individuality

   • Validating individuality means recognizing and appreciating each other's unique qualities, interests, and aspirations. It involves supporting personal growth and maintaining a sense of self within the relationship.

   • Resource: 11 Strategies for Maintaining Individuality in a Relationship

5. Perseverance Through Challenges

   • Marriage is a journey with highs and lows. Persevering through difficult times requires commitment and a willingness to work through issues together. Remembering the love and reasons you got married can motivate you to keep going.

   • Resource: American Psychological Association - The Road to Resilience

A Legacy of Love and Strength

I hope our journey, with all its ups and downs, serves as an example to others. By sharing our story and the goals that have sustained us, I aim to offer strength and inspiration to the couples I work with and anyone else navigating the complexities of marriage. Our 32 years together have been a testament to the power of love, commitment, and resilience.